Waiting is the hardest part. I wrote earlier about going to the doctor and waiting for blood work results to come back. Well, still waiting. It has been both a good and bad thing.
I am trying to see things from both sides. If it is positive, my life will be pretty much the same as it is now, but with a label to it. If that label will hang over my head remains to be seen. I am not sure it will change anything. I have been living with this all along, so that won't change. What I am more worried about is perceptions. I suddenly have An Illness. It is no longer some vague ache and pain. You can't be accused of faking it. You have This.
Well, I always did. It won't change who I am or who I was. If anything, it makes things more clear and gives me a direction. Throwing punches in the dark is frustrating and tiring. Having an official word means I now know my opponent and I can figure out how to beat things.
The other positive - cool ass medical shit that goes with it. I mean, dude! All the stuff I played with, I might be able to get legit! The mind boggles.
So, here we sit. The phone looks at me and mocks me. I will still get up every morning and keep on keeping on. Whatever they say, one thing is for sure. I have already decided that whatever they say, positive or negative, it is not getting the best of me and it is not going to stop me.
Docs, bring it.
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